Thankful for the Modern Day Heroes

Its was three days before I went into labor, laying in my hospital bed before the sun was up, Nate was snoring on the lumpy cot in the corner and I was praying hard! The kind of prayers that only a desperate, heavy- hearted mother pray. Lord, please let me go into natural labor. Please let our baby be okay, show me what to do in labor, give me grace. I feel like this is all my fault. Change this, make it better, I can't go through this. Lord.... please. As I poured over scriptures and tried to gain some insight, the still small voice of comfort- be thankful and know that I am with you till the end. Thankful? How could I be thankful? Stuck in Phoenix on bed rest, my baby is going  into the NICU, I can't sleep in this hospital, and then there was the big one---despite being extremely healthy during my pregnancy... I'm here!! All those spinach smoothies, all those walks, yoga sessions, tired, cranky, achy, the morning sickness that I put up with at work for 7 months! Lord, how can I be thankful? What is there to be thankful for? I pondered this question the whole day, switching back from anger, to sadness, to believing that God just didn't understand. The next morning, a similar conversation occurred. Find thankfulness today. So, I began making a list:
1. Nate's wisdom and patience
2. My amazing nurse Vanessa (she stayed up with me all night, my first night and told me stories of her kids, and watched Parenthood reruns with me!)
3. The fact that we were already in Phoenix and weren't airlifted
4. This precious life growing inside of me... and then my list became much easier to write! Throughout the day I made note of these things I was thankful for
5. Low blood pressure
6. Baby's movement was excellent
7. Hearing a strong beautiful heartbeat from our baby girl
8. My family's arrival

This continued throughout my labor. I was thankful for the awareness, the pain, the sense of life coursing through me, our baby, my husband's coaching. But then came the NICU. Could I be thankful in the NICU? I just didn't know if I had it in me. And then there was God's grace... I met our modern day heros!

These two women, made the NICU possible for me to be thankful and grateful! They were our day and night nurses. Little did I know that Brenda and Deb were the key to finding joy in the midst of suffering! Each morning that Deb was our nurse, Bree made leaps and bounds in her progress. Our first day with her, we had no idea what to do. Deb taught us how to hold Bree, and when we needed to put her back in her isolette to get rest. She taught us how to read Bree, and know her signals. She truly cared! And then there was Brenda, in the beginning we didn't stay overnight, but every night Brenda let us snuggle Bree and tuck her in. We loved seeing Brenda every night. Once we started staying overnight, our tradition of Sonic s milkshakes became an escape from our 24 hr stays at the hospital- and occasionally bringing one to share with Brenda, made it so much fun! She always cheered Bree on, as we did what I called the "weigh in" every night.I too often got caught up talking to Brenda in the wee hours of the night. It takes a special person to be there all the time with you through such a struggle. These women, along with many others in the NICU became our dear friends. We learned to give reverence and gratitude for every bit of progress- never taking it for granted. Nate and I began to understand what it meant to take each moment and day at a time. Our roller coaster one day left us feeling elated and the next defeated- but through it all these women stood by us. They fought for us to get testing done on Bree with her severe apnea, for breastfeeding, for staying overnight in the NICU. They were there! These women are  modern days heros, and I will always be grateful for them! They are dear friends now, and I would have missed out on that if we hadn't been in the NICU. If we had a healthy full term baby, I would have missed meeting them, getting to know them, and having such special people in my life. There are many days at home, when it's quiet and Bree is sleeping in her bassinet, that I reminisce on the days when I would step into the buzzing hall of nurses and have a good laugh or a hug from one of these women. I know it sounds so silly to say that I miss the NICU, but I do. I miss the interactions with these special women every day, I miss seeing their faces and hearing about their kids and grand kids. I miss them, and I will always be grateful for the strength that they gave me to keep being thankful for three long months in the hospital!