The Struggle and Joys of Breastfeeding in the NICU Part 1

Before having Breanna I dreamed of her birth, how she would come into this world. I imagined getting to hold her close to my chest as soon as she arrived and starting what was only natural... breastfeeding. There were many critics in my ear telling me that I was going to be unable to do a natural delivery because of the pain, and that breastfeeding isn't easy- and so just start formula right from the get go. At the time I couldn't understand why people were telling me to give up so easily, now on the other side I fully understand their heart. It wasn't that people want to be discouraging so quickly, it's that natural labor and breastfeeding are really hard and often times impossible for women. I watched the business of being born too many times to count, and natural home births (not a Baby Story--- which is dramatized TV). I studied how our nation which is so industrialized and medically ahead of the curve has such a high mortality rate for mothers. I was astounded to learn that America spends on average $98 million a year on hospitalizations for pregnancies, and yet we rank 50th in the country for maternal mortality... 50!! How can this be? We are America... we are the best of the best, unfortunately not in this area. The mortality rate for mothers has doubled in the last 25 years and we are now putting more women at risk than we are helping them. I knew there was a link between natural birth, and breastfeeding but I couldn't put my finger on it. After much research again, I discovered that epidurals are indeed a narcotic that can inhibit your ability to release the hormones necessary to breastfeed. I read about how they increase the labor time by double and leave women drained and "beat up" so to speak. I have read about so many women that were in labor for over 24 hrs and so drained by the end of it... I didn't want labor to be any longer than it had to be. But back to breastfeeding, as I began to study other cultures and people that had considerably worse health care than America, and yet a better mortality rate than ours I found the missing link between natural birth and breastfeeding---- THE LEGACY!
The legacy of childbirth and breastfeeding is a powerful one.  I studied the Netherlands quite closely and modeled my pregnancy after theirs. I found that most girls in their teens had seen many natural births from their mothers, friends etc., and with that, they watched these women figure out the gift of breastfeeding. The lack of narcotics allowed for their hormones to do what came naturally mixed with the knowledge of watching others go through the same experience. Our society teaches us today that if it doesn't come naturally then just switch to formula, but how would something come naturally that one hadn't ever seen up close? I began reading books on breastfeeding, how we as Americans have lost the passing of the torch so to speak to our daughters and their daughters. I read about La Leche groups and how they offered support for women seeking to breastfeed. I was in the middle of reading the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding when my water broke, and I would have to put what I had learned to practice two months early.

I had always imagined holding Bree and breastfeeding her right away, but when a baby is premature and needs a NICU team this isn't possible. I hadn't read, researched or planned on having a preterm baby and had no idea what this meant for breastfeeding, but I was determined to not give up. Arriving back into my recovery room at about 4am July 5th for some sleep, my nurse told me that I should try and pump. What? Pump? I hadn't read about when to start pumping, or even how to pump. She rolled in the yellow medela pump as it's tires squeaked on the hospital floors shame crept up inside of me. I didn't want to be pumping, I wanted my baby. I didn't want someone else touching me and showing me how to use the pump properly- I felt so ashamed of having a preterm baby. My nurse was kind and gentle and could tell I was uncomfortable, but she prompted me to start pumping every 2 hrs around the clock to help my milk production. I placed the pump on and set it to the lowest setting. It hurt so bad, I couldn't believe the pain that started when I pumped. Tears streamed down my face, and she reassured me that it would hurt to begin with and that I probably wouldn't get anything the first few tries. This was my path now to breastfeeding.... talk about a legacy I didn't want to be a part of. I had never seen anyone pump in my life and I had no idea what to expect from this experience.

 Nate, being the amazing husband that he is,  encouraged me and tried to protect my dignity.  I just wanted to shrivel up from the embarrassment of the whole ordeal. I felt like this was all my fault and I couldn't bear it. With each rhythmic swishing of the pump cemented in the pain of having a NICU baby- and the shame that came with that.  After several days of painful pumping with no results- I finally started to see some results. The doctors warned me not to get discouraged because with preterm delivery it is always harder for milk production than full term deliveries. Two drops were all I was getting for 30-40 minutes of pumping every two hours. It was exhausting, painful and uncomfortable. But Nate and I knew that this would be what would be the best for Bree's physical and mental development. He cheered me on by making snacks and putting movies and shows on my tablet for me to watch to distract me from pumping. One of the greatest inhibitors for breast milk production is stress- in the NICU everything is stressful! Since I wasn't producing nearly enough milk I signed the waiver to have Bree put on donor breast milk. It was such a God send for us, but that day I cried thinking that she was getting someone else's milk instead of mine. For about two weeks I only produced minimal amounts of milk, still pumping round the clock every two hours. We spent 14-20 hrs at a time in the NICU without steeping outside of hospital walls. We did cares for Bree with the help of our nurses (diaper change, temperature check and tube feeding) every three hours and I pumped away after that, before long it was time to start the process all over again. I dreaded pumping, it was so uncomfortable, and I dreaded seeing how little I was producing. I was taking lactation tea, drinking lots and trying my best. One day, God brought the most treasured woman into our NICU room Voni Miller. I was so frustrated with the pumping process that I just wanted to give up. Nate urged me daily, and sometimes multiple times a day that this was the best thing.

 The day I met Voni my perspective changed. She sat down and talked with me about my milk production, and the hope that Bree would one day breastfeed! She explained ways that we could encourage that right away, doing non-nutritive breastfeeding would start as soon as I was ready! Non- nutritive breastfeeding is when a mom pumps beforehand and practices breastfeeding with the baby without there being a flow of milk. Bree had yet to learn suck, swallow, and breathe and so she wasn't ready for my milk- however little it was.  I was so excited that there was hope and that we might be able to really do this thing.  Kangaroo care, or skin to skin is one of the best things for baby and for mom's milk production; however due to Bree's fragile state we didn't get this opportunity very often. We began non- nutritive breastfeeding about once a day, and my milk production began to increase more and more. The Lord really blessed me in this area once things got going, I couldn't hear another baby crying without leaking! It was 31 days of painful pumping, sleepless nights and quick snuggles with Bree, but I was finally producing milk! She was only on my breast milk tube fed and gaining anywhere from 2-3oz every day! We were ecstatic! One of the fascinating facts that Voni shared with me was that milk is tailored to the baby's needs, and nothing can replicate that! For preterm babies this means that a mother's milk is considerably more fatty and designed to help the baby grow at a fast rate. Voni wasn't only my lactation consultant, but she quickly became a dear friend and mentor!

Kangaroo Care is also important for Dad's to do as it helps with bonding, regulating baby's vitals and temperature! Nate treasured all of his Kangaroo time!