Becoming a mother is one of the most identity changing experiences a woman goes through! It's at this stage in her life that she reflects on her past, looks at her present and dreams about her future all in one breath. Having a baby changed me in ways that I never expected and I have loved it more than I knew I would. Most of you moms remember your swollen belly as strangers would try and rub your belly and the inevitable "how far along are you?" And then comes the laundry list of advice. I remember being in Babies R Us with Nate, I was about 6 months pregnant and we were registering for stuff (let me just say I'm not a shopper, and walking into that store was such an overwhelming experience). We were handed a booklet of all of their suggestions, and our scanner, away we went. Mom's walked freely up, patting my belly and telling me their advice, "well if you want my advice I'd get __________." I was overwhelmed! We had done research on our own, talked to friends and now strangers were giving their piece of advice as well. This continued to happen throughout my pregnancy, before long I was given tons of parenting books all ranging from "cry it out" method to "attachment parenting." It was overwhelming. Now that my baby is out of my body, the problem continues, but to a different degree now, "so is she sitting up?" "rolling over?" "she's only eating solids now right?" "you aren't going to be one of those crazy breastfeeding moms are you?" I must say that at the beginning of the questionnaire I felt defensive, and frustrated by moms' judgments and their check off list- but now it makes me smile. You see, I truly believe that these questions come from a place of passion and love, but sometimes as women we can become competitive, seeing our way as the only "right way." Well ladies, I'm here to blow the lid on a lie that most of us believe "there is no one right way to parent!!!" Shocker- I know! Sure, mom's have had success with a certain style for their family, but that isn't your family. For some moms breastfeeding works best, for some bottle feeding, for some crib sleeping, for others co-sleeping. In the short time that I have been a mom, with the very limited experience that I have had, there are some very trusted people in my life, that I love getting mom advice from and believe that they have my best intention at heart, find those moms and stick close! So mom's take heart, don't allow a difference in parenting style to cause you to argue, or doubt.
By the time I was pregnant I had babysat literally hundreds of kids, led children's church, taught classes, and participated in over 6 years of kids camps. I completely get kid management, how to interact, work with, and watch over kids- however- what I didn't get yet, was being a mother. During my pregnancy I read a lot of information on the cry it out system. Baby Wise was my go to book for everything in studying for having this baby. It was the method that I was familiar and comfortable with. But then... I became a mother- my precious Bree was underweight, and struggling to thrive in the NICU, and this made me view parenting in a completely different way. Our lactation consultant suggested baby wearing, and lots of skin to skin to help Bree regulate her breathing and gain weight, doctors and nurses fought the idea. Some nurses gave us limited skin to skin time, the bottle was pushed and pushed (despite Bree doing better with breastfeeding). I was starting to see that this system just wasn't working for my baby. I began baby wearing, and she handled her breathing much better, I began breastfeeding on demand and she gained weight quickly.
This was completely opposite to what mainstream books tell you. I have had countless moms tell me to "be careful," or "love to see how this turns out for you in the end." While with Bree I do lean more towards attachment parenting, however, I believe that every baby, every mom, and every family is unique and different. Babies, like people aren't cookie cutters- they are different and individual. Each baby has their own needs, for Bree she needed to be held, and close to me to do well, perhaps our next baby won't- who knows. All this to say is: moms please take heart, you are doing your best. Loving your child whether you let them cry it out or not isn't the issue, it's the issue of identity. Let your identity of becoming a mother morph and change, don't allow others to crush you, stand tall with grace. Each mom is on their own journey of taking care of their family. Let us tread lightly when giving advice,and have grace when advice is given. My hope and prayer for moms is that they would walk in gracious conviction for their family. Current moms of little ones, big ones, pregnant moms, and women wanting to be moms- this is your journey, take hold of it and enjoy every minute of it (however you choose to do it)!
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