If you're anything like me you've had other mom's tell you how it is. You need to change the baby's diaper every two hours, breastfeed on demand, schedule baby from day one, babywear, don't spoil that baby. What's a mom to do? In the end, you'll figure out what your baby needs and how it fits in your family-there isn't one right way! So, I'm writing to encourage you, hoping that this will bring some fresh perspective, and hope to those long days- the New Mommy Rules!1. This is just a season
Yes, you've heard it all before, they grow up so fast. Snuggle them as much as you can now. Nate's grandma always says how she wished she never did cry it out, and just rocked her babies back to sleep. Those times were fleeting; so yes, hold, cuddle and kiss that newborn. But there is something else, in the wee hours of the night when you're spent beyond belief, and babe is up again, this is just a season. My kids are 18 months apart and this is what has gotten me through some tough days. When two babies have such big needs, it is just a season.
2. You aren't perfect and mistakes will happen
This has been the hardest lessons for me. Our first was born 8 weeks early, once we left the hospital I never wanted to make a mistake with her. Well... I have, lots of them. Mistakes cause us to realize how great God's grace is and extend that to others Something changes with your second (at least for me) and we have loosened up a lot! With two little ones, sometimes I burn dinner, while the toddler is drawing on the walls and I'm nursing the baby( life happens). Accepting this has made a world of difference for offering grace to myself (we always have wipes and another dinner in the freezer) and most importantly to other mommies -we are in this together!
3. You can't do it alone!
Oh this is so humbling for me, but with each of my births I have learned this lesson! With my first Bree, there were amazing families that banded around us and supported us in the NICU. Our second was Connor's birth was an incredibly supported one, and my postpartum time was filled with family and friends bringing meals, taking my toddler out for a bit, and letting me sleep!!!After I gave birth to Connor, I was convinced that I couldn't be a Doula, that I didn't have what it took. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't do it alone and that I needed a Doula and support team to talk me through birth. So glad I was wrong and it was just a great way to reveal that I wasn't meant to do this alone either! So thankful for the tribe that has come with each new addition. Finding those support systems before giving birth will be so incredibly helpful. Don't be afraid to ask for someone to run to the store for you, or to do a few dishes if they stop by.
4. Nourish Yourself
Food plays such an important part postpartum. Eating nutritionally dense foods are not only good to get you back feeling like yourself again, but they are so good for baby as you breastfeed. Eating real food (not processed freezer dinners) but fermented foods like sauerkraut, water kefir and kombucha will help restore immunity, and keep things moving down south (if you catch my drift).Placenta encapsulation, essential oils, water and organic herbs are great hormone balancing agents, that will make a world of difference post birth Spiritually you will also need to be nourished, housing a baby for 9 months is such a transforming journey and then birth is it's own processing arena. Allow your soul to heal, reflect and grieve or experience joy. Journaling is such a great way to release some of those postpartum hormones that get released! This is such a precious time, when you are raw with yourself, a great time to rely on God for strength, perspective and love! Lastly, physically, this is tough if you already have kids, a toddler wanting to go out and play and you really wanting to rest. Setting bounds and limits on yourself are really important to healing properly. When I was two days postpartum I wrapped our second on me, and took our toddler out for a hike (yeah I regretted that for a long time). Resting doesn't mean weakness, it is a great time to reflect and enjoy those quiet moments. We created a nursing basket for our toddler so that every time I fed little brother she could color, have a snack, or nurse her baby with me.
5. Time Away
Being the main source of food, comfort and security to a tiny human is hard work, and often really draining. It is so beautiful how dependent they are, a great reminder of depended we are on God. Allowing yourself time to get away will refresh your heart, give perspective to this transition, and allow you to breathe all alone! This is something that I still have a hard time doing, but when I sneak away to meet a friend for coffee, or go for a run something changes- and when I come back, I come back a better, more loving mom!6. Your body has changed- celebrate instead of criticize
Growing a baby changes your body dramatically, your entire organ system shifts and moves to make room for your little bundle! But the after effects of having a baby is something our culture has begun to shame women for. Stretch marks, saggy bellies and large breasts are looked down upon, and women are made to feel inadequate (as if we need one more reason to feel shame). While I'm not saying that you shouldn't eat good and exercise, taking the necessary time to heal and allow your body to be whatever shape it wants to be post birth is a great exercise in confidence! My hubby has always made me feel proud of my stretch marks, my badge of honor, he sees those and is proud that I grew our babies. Find ways to acknowledge the change and bring acceptance, love and even pride to those areas of yourself that have now changed!
While this list may be obvious, so many of us moms out there forget about these fundamentals in our lives. So to all you new mommies out there, you're doing great, and you're not alone!!!
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