There are so many other factors that come into play in a relationship, job changes, moving, children etc. Often times we get caught up in the circumstance that is happening. Our marriage will be better if we have a baby, or our marriage will suffer if we have a baby. Our marriage will be better if there wasn't any stress. We'll be happier, and more in love if we have money to go on that cruise. I just need a different job and then our marriage will be happier, it's time we move and get a dream house... that'll fix our problems.
Unfortunately, that line of thinking leads to a very difficult road, one that I have traveled too many times. Growing up, we lived in a very small house and when we finally moved I had convinced myself that this bigger house was the solution to our dysfunction... it wasn't. Years later I got married and that unhealthy thinking followed me down the aisle, unbeknownst to me. You see when I said 'I do' forever, what I really meant was, I do if you'll make me happy, I do if I get my way, I do only when things are wonderful. Now, I would never have said that out loud, and to be honest, I did wholeheartedly believe that I meant those things, only what I didn't know was that I couldn't. I'm human you see--- that's the problem or maybe, that's what makes all of this so beautiful!
Nate and I haven't had a smooth sailing beginning, in fact, just about every six months "life has happened." In the first six months of our marriage I was dumbfounded that we could experience so much stress, wasn't marriage about bliss, and being in love--- why was there so much stress? This was my first wake up call. As our lives have unfolded I have seen my husband at his best and at his worst, he too has seen me at my best and at my worst. This is real life-- real marriage.
No matter how much I love Nate, I can never love him like God can- He is the only one that can hold the two of us together. We are going to change physically, emotionally, spiritually and that means that we may not like everything about that process- but God's grace contains all of the depth needed for this transformation.
And so my heart has set upon diving into God's grace, and finding His heart for my husband. Someone once told me that when you marry someone, you are proclaiming that you believe so much in the calling that God has on their life that you are willing to risk everything to see it to fruition. This is where the love runs deep. Nate has an incredible calling on his life, and I don't want to miss a second of that. I love watching him work with kids and take people on adventures, showing people God's love through creation. My heart skips a beat when he prays for us.
This is the glue.
And a lot like glue, life gets messy. It's going through the mess together that makes the difference.
Our view of the messiness of life can either make or break our relationship. The perspective that I had always heard and adopted in my own marriage, was that marriage was to make you holy and that you grit and bear it for commitments sake. However, I found that this often detracts from becoming holy and enjoying our spouse. A dear friend recently told me that often this line of thinking spoils it for those thinking about getting married- or those in a marriage. The messiness is meant to be enjoyed, it's meant to be awkward and new-- experienced together!
So take heart, if you are about to get married, or if you are married. It's not meant to be perfect, and it's going to be messy- but that's when it starts to get good! Enjoy your spouse today, imperfections and all, and lean into His grace for your family!
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