Matthew 18:14 So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
Today is very near and dear to my heart as it is infant and pregnancy loss awareness day.So I thought I'd share our story. I remember seeing those two pink lines on the test, my heart was pounding---- we were pregnant! Holy cow! Everything was going to change--- everything! Just about the time that we got used to the idea of having a baby and the anticipation grew, we lost our little peanut. In the course of our marriage we have lost two babies in the first trimester. I often chucked it up to, "it wasn't meant to be," or the logical "there is a chromosomal defect," "50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage." These are all phrases and sayings that people use to make it seem better, these are even phrases that I am ashamed to say I have used to "comfort" moms. On a routine physical after getting my blood level tested the results came back saying that my hormones were too low to carry a child, or even become pregnant. Nate and I began to pray, we weren't necessarily ready in the traditional sense to start a family, however, we knew that we wanted a family at some point- one month later we were pregnant with our precious Bree!
Eight weeks into my pregnancy with Bree the cramping and bleeding began, I wept on the bathroom floor knowing that we were going to lose another one. Nate held me as tears rolled down his cheeks, and we decided to go to the E.R since the bleeding was so heavy. Nate put his hand on my belly and prayed for our peanut as I laid on the hospital bed. A few minutes later an ultrasound tech wheeled me alone into the ultrasound room to see if there was a heartbeat, the first go around there was nothing. I had never seen anything look so dark an empty as my womb did that day. I asked the tech to try again, she allowed it, but said that she couldn't tell me anything. I held my breath thinking that I was so silly for asking for another look. The second check showed a tiny little bean of a baby with a heart beating like a horse way up in the corner! She shut off the screen, and wheeled me back without saying a peep. (I would seriously hate her job... I could not keep that a secret!) But I knew what I had seen, and I knew that God was holding our baby. The doctor came back a few minutes later and told us that there was a heartbeat, but that we would probably lose the baby within the next few days. Thankfully God had a different plan!
In the NICU we heard of two babies passing away, the alarms buzzing and all of the staff running to the room trying to save this little life. There probably isn't anything more horrific than losing your child. I honestly can't imagine what those parents have gone through. But what if there is more that we are to hang onto? In the course of this pregnancy, God has shown me something very encouraging. He didn't take my babies! He doesn't want babies to die, he doesn't give us a baby and then take it away as some cruel joke. I often tried to reason with myself, God doesn't think I'm ready to be a mom, or this just isn't the right timing. With the first miscarriage we didn't really share with anyone that we were pregnant, let alone that we miscarried. With the second loss dear friends of ours loved us through it. Loss can be such an isolating process, can't it? It's hard for others to understand, relate or meet you where you're at. And especially with pregnancy, women are told its safer to wait to announce the pregnancy till at least 12 weeks, thus, separating and isolating moms even more.
Psalm 34: 18-19 The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
Matthew 18:14 So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish
Exodus 23:26 None shall miscarry or be barren in your land, I will fulfill the number of your days
Jeremiah 1:4-5 Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
Take heart dear moms, whether you are wanting a baby, have experienced a loss, or are even overwhelmed by the babies that you have, Children are a gift! You are not alone, and you are not the impossible case! Watch the video for more encouragement! May you be blessed today!
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