Our Journey to Nutritionally Dense Foods

Most of my childhood I experienced major blood sugar crashes, I was cold all the time, I had lactose intolerance and gluten intolerance. Although I wasn't diagnosed with those things I paid the consequence for eating them- I just thought that was how everybody lived. Once I lived on my own I took out most dairy and noticed a huge difference in my body. I felt so much better, although I didn't take out bread entirely I stayed away as much as I could. I tried to eat healthy but that contained mostly of non-fat, sugar- free, margarine, vegetable oils... what society told me was "healthy." I had no idea that non-fat, sugar- free and bad fats were contributing to my hormone imbalances, and fluctuating weight.

When I was pregnant with Bree I ate fairly healthy, or what I thought was healthy at the time. I increased my veggies, ate low fat, non-fat, sugar free... you name it. When I gave birth to her we were two hours away from our home for the three month NICU stay and so that meant that we ate out a lot... and being out of work and on a budget meant taco bell, jack in the box (or jack in the crack as my hubby lovingly calls it). Any cheap and quick meals we could inhale before going back into the hospital room. It was awful. I literally put on more weight in the NICU than I did my entire pregnancy. Fast forward 50lbs heavier and 2 months out of the NICU I seriously didn't recognize myself I had put on so much weight! I was just trying to get through all those 3am feedings, the stress of our experience and process life a bit, that I forgot to stop eating bad at home too! Nate and I were just trying to wrap our heads around the last few months and how we were going to move forward with it all, that food was at the bottom of the list. I definitely believe that there are seasons where eating healthy is a challenge, or even impossible. I don't put shame or blame on that season of life, we did the best we could with what we had. The problem comes when that becomes the lifestyle, just trying to survive. We had to come out of the fog and making some hard choices, once we were in a place to do so- and that dear friends is what started our healing in so many ways.


Nate and I researched, and talked to a ton of people out there on diets, nutrition and getting the weight off. I was horrified to find out that trans-fats do get into breast milk, and so I knew I had to make a change and do it quick for Bree's health and my own. We heard of gluten free, dairy free, vegan.. we tried most of them, but I still had hormone imbalances, and while the weight was coming off I still felt like crap. But then we stumbled upon Nourishing Traditions, and everything changed. Within a month of eating traditionally prepared food Nate and I both lost a considerable amount of weight, and my hormones balanced out, I don't struggle with lactose intolerance or gluten intolerance (as long as they are traditionally prepared).  It hasn't been a passing fad in our home, in fact, it has allowed me to have a strong and healthy pregnancy, and helped our little Bree gain weight at a healthy rate (which can be a struggle for preemies).

I love the title of the book Nourishing Traditions, because it puts the focus where food should be- nourishing. Food is meant to fuel the body- that's it! Food isn't meant to make me feel better, it's purpose isn't meant to take away depression, or make any defining statements about my body. Food is fuel, nothing more. It doesn't have the power to dictate anything about my identity, unless I allow it to- and I'm not doing that. Food is also meant to be enjoyed, it isn't meant to be this process of guilt and shame, or stuffing and over eating. We are meant to be filled with nutritionally dense foods to fuel our body to  be the best we were made to be! These concepts have not only allowed me to change the way I view food but also my identity. I now enjoy the meals that we eat and I don't feel bad about them just because they are tasty!
So, what do we eat....


We eat anything that is real, not processed, and I prepare our meals in the traditional sense of soaking and fermenting. While it does require more work, I have woven into our busy schedules as part of our routine and the benefits have been amazing!

One of my favorite bloggers to follow is Mama Natural, she first introduced me to Nourishing Traditions, check out her video on how she stumbled upon the book and what changes she has experienced!  http://www.mamanatural.com/irl-38/

Here are some links to great resources so that you can have a healthy, full and nutritious life!

http://www.amazon.com/Nourishing-Traditions-Challenges-Politically-Dictocrats/dp/0967089735

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/truth-about-low-fat-foods

http://www.westonaprice.org/

Attachment Parenting Driving You Crazy?

Before Bree's arrival I had spent hours reading sleep training books like Baby Wise and Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. Nate and I were ready to follow Ferber's cry it out method, and this was encouraged in the NICU as well. It wasn't until Bree was struggling to gain weight, nurse and thrive, that our lactation consultant suggested babywearing and I went down a totally different road. I began reading articles on the importance of babywearing not just for preemies but for full term infants as well. I read all of Dr. Sears books and fell in love with being free to parent my baby based off of her needs and not my own. I began seeing her gain weight and do a lot better within a few weeks!

For those of you unfamiliar with Dr. Sears Attachment Parenting style these are the 7 B's typically followed by AP parents. 

1. Birth Bonding

2. Breastfeeding

3. Babywearing

4. Bedding close to baby

5. Belief in baby's cry

6. Beware of Baby sleep trainers

7. Balance

Due to Bree's early arrival we were unable to do most of these from the get go, but we have since made up for lost time! Yes, we are those crazy parents that co- sleep, do extended breastfeeding and so on. However, one common theme that I am seeing in the AP community is that mom's (myself included at times) forget all about #7- Balance.
Whether you do any of these things or not, or not doesn't matter- but I do believe that balance is something that all moms need in their life. There are so many articles out there of women complaining about the AP method and how it didn't work for them, how they are breaking up with Dr. Sears and so on. However, the common thread isn't Dr. Sear's fault, it is our ability as mom's to practice balance in our lives.

Attachment Parenting isn't necessarily defined by physical space between the mother and baby, it can be at times, but the attachment is developed emotionally more than anything. AP is only a guideline, not a strict approach to parenting. I used to always feel bad if I had to put Bree down to go to the bathroom she would cry and cry. I felt awful and tried my best to hurry. I was a hot mess! I had it all wrong. It's ok if she cried a bit, I was eventually going to come out of the bathroom and take care of her needs. This is so important for us moms who haven't showered in days or had a moment to ourselves. It really is going to be ok if you aren't holding your baby every second of the day. Plus it makes holding them so much better when we are rested and refreshed.

So, put on the hot water for a cup of tea or coffee and take a load off. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to just be for a moment. Babies do cry- and it's ok. There can be balance with it. As parents we don't want to let our babies cry for too long, but we also don't want to drag ourselves into the ground and become too exhausted to parent these little beings either. It can be so exhausting, especially in the early months when you are nursing every 2-3 hrs and it seems that your not getting any sleep- hang in there it does get better! And it is ok to take a break every now and then.

Nate and I have made some arrangements so that I can get some rest here and there. I have also made a list of things that I enjoy doing, so  I don't get sucked into cleaning the house or end up taking the baby back.

1. Bible time/ weekly bible study with my ladies (these women keep me sane!)
2. Yoga
3. A run/bike ride/ walk etc
4. Shopping
5. A phone call to a friend/ meet up for coffee

These things don't always happen, but we try to squeeze them into our lives so that I don't go overboard! For those of you moms with more than one child, balance can sometimes seem unattainable- and you truly are the brave ones! I commend you on all that you do- but maybe it's time to leave the kiddos with someone and get some you time!?

Is balance a priority in your home? If not how can you make it a priority? What are some things that you like to do on  your own time?

If you are considering Attachment Parenting I'd love to answer any questions for you. While it's gaining popularity in the US may seem like a fad, this is how most women all over the world have been raising their babies for centuries.

Blessings: Being Loved in the Face of Fear

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like your heart just might burst from joy? Well I had one today at about 4:00 am this morning, my little girl awoke, teething, hungry and needing some love. As I went over to her to pick her up she squealed with delight. A big smile despite her discomfort and arms outstretched ready to be picked up. As I nursed her, applied clove oil to her teeth and went to lay her back down I was struck with just one word--- BLESSED. 



I laid back down trying to get back to sleep, but sleep didn't come. Nate was curled up in the covers breathing deeply and peacefully. "Thank you Lord for these two. What a gift you have given me." I put my hand on Bree's tummy and felt her breathing, her full tummy rising and falling with each breath. I thanked the Lord for her lungs, her heart, her brain and her spirit! She is a fighter, and I know that God has such a special plan for her life, how blessed am I to get a front row seat and see it all unfold-- Blessed! 

Nate and I haven't had the easiest beginning, and neither has Bree; but God has been with us and intimately involved in every part of it. He was there with our moves, He was there with countless burned dinners, and all of my insecurities as I entered into being a wife. He was there with disagreements as Nate and I tried to figure out how to mesh. He was there as we prayed over our little baby's life not knowing what the future would hold. He is here as we fall and fail, and get back up again. He is here as we learn to be parents, He is here as we mesh as a family, He is here as I fall in love with Nate time after time, He is here as Bree learns to crawl, He is here in her squeals, He is here in messy imperfect everyday life. 

While in the NICU we had different nurses, friends and family ask if we would ever want to have more children after this experience. My first response was No. No way did I want to go through all of that again! It's painful and hard- it hurts! But here we are on the other side of the story, and I emphatically say, YES! No, I haven't forgotten the trial, or idealized the pain making it seem beautiful- it truly was a hard, but I still say YES! Yes, I am willing to do it all again- to walk through the valley of the shadow of death with my Lord, because this what reveals my weakness and HIS strength. If God chooses to bless us with more children, born early, or right on time, it will be in his hands- and it will be a blessing. 

Fear stops us from loving, and being loved. Fear stops us from reaching out again, and trying once more. Fear is what made me sharply reply that I didn't want kids for decades, and fear is what insecurities are made of. But fear is also the place that we can be reached the most intimately. Fear is the place that God can take a hurting heart and make it whole. 1 John 4: 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. I want to be perfected in love, and that means that I must allow God to lead me in the scary, dark unknown corners of my heart and allow Him to cover them in love. I must let go of control and just be loved by Him. 

What are you afraid of? And are you willing to let God take your fears and turn them into blessings? Are you ready to just be loved?

It's Massage Time!!

I don't know about you, but I love a good massage! It's relaxing, it's good for you, and it's just... awesome! I love everything about massages. I love the dark room, the candle, the music, I love the warm oil and just how refreshed and relaxed I feel afterwards!


Can you relate?

I had no idea, that I would end up marrying someone that was really good at massages! This has become a regular practice in our home, so naturally when we had Bre I was ecstatic to learn about baby massage. I was four months pregnant when I first started researching it, and reading up on techniques etc. Nate lovingly used to call it baby spoiling, and laughed about how he would have to give his two girls massages all the time now (he was right)!

When Bre was in the NICU she had a ton of tummy troubles, reflux and constipation were so common and very problematic for her. While there, we met a fabulous occupational therapist who came and worked with us. She showed us some awesome tips and techniques to help Bre with her tummy troubles. She later printed me out a whole booklet on infant and baby massage and pretty much everyday since, Bre has gotten a massage! Bre has continued to face many struggles with  underdeveloped intestines and such, so this is a great help for her. However, it is great for any baby! If you or someone you know has a little cutie nearby, pick them up and lets try out a few of these on them!

Benefits of Baby Massage

1. Boosts baby's immune system
I have heard of numerous moms that massage their babies daily and their children have never been sick! Massage is a great way to get circulation going and to ward off any of the bad bugs that may be looming in their little bodies!

2. Relieves Constipation/Gas/Colic
This is how we were introduced to it with Bre in the NICU, and it really works! There are some great tips and tricks that help things move along.  Often times babies have trouble in this area at some point or another, and this helps relieve some of the discomfort! And it's an all natural way, rather than medications, enemas etc.

3. Bonding
This is right up there with breastfeeding for me in terms of bonding. I love how you can calm a screaming baby down with some massage, or just focus in for a moment. Bre and I often use the morning time before first nap to have some baby massage time, and then Dad and her have connect time in the evening. It's a great way to have fun, focus and relax together!

Tips/Techniques

Watch your baby's cues as you begin. Tell them that you are going to give them a massage. I put an ocean waves soundtrack on and begin the massage. If at any point your baby is: drifting focus, getting more upset or whiny, change massage technique, or wait for a different time of day. Baby should be: engaged, looking at you, calming down, and may wiggle in excitement! I have even gotten Bre to fall asleep this way-- just go with what your baby is telling you and you'll be fine!!! This is a really cool way for dads to connect with baby and get good bonding in! Nate loves doing it and ending with a skin to skin cuddle session, which is so good for babies!

1. Tummy Troubles

I LOVE YOU massage works wonders every time. I sing Bre a little tune and she usually smiles and giggles while those air bubbles work their way down! Picture the belly button in the center of the You part of the diagram. The important thing to remember with this is that the arrows are pointing down on the right side of the body, so always start there and move your way down on the right side, moving clockwise.




2. Tummy Strokes

This is a great way to bring a crying baby to a calm state fairly quickly. Put one hand on top of baby's tummy and let it sink into their tummy naturally. Obviously you don't put any of your weight into this, just the weight of your hand, and soon your hand will slowly sink into baby's tummy. Once baby is looking at you and calm then you start the strokes. From the chest to the lower abdomen one hand after another. Keep looking at your baby for cues that they are relaxing, bored or getting more anxious.





3. Calm Baby

Massaging those little toes with some high grade essential oils are a great way to help a baby relax, unwind and focus. The pores on the bottom of feet are the biggest in the body, so it allows the essential oils to soak in faster. It also feels really good! Bre loves her feet rubbed and always smiles and curls her toes while I do it!

I hope this helps you connect and engage with your little one! Enjoy the benefits of massage! Here are some great resources to check out for more information:

http://www.livescience.com/36731-preemies-immune-systems-get-a-boost-from-massage.html

http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbjanfeb98p13.html

http://www.lovingtouch.com/infant-massage-benefits-babies

Quarantined for... Life?

Well, no we aren't quarantined for forever.. but some days it feels that way! Having a preemie introduced me and Nate to a whole new world, one that we weren't expecting at all. After 88 days in the NICU we were sent home on monitors, and a list of preemie instructions that included, being on quarantine till the winter flu season was over. Preemies are born with very weak immune systems, and getting sick can be very serious. We weren't going to risk anything, but we didn't really know what to expect with this, in my mind flu season was only a couple of months- how wrong I was. Bre was put on quarantine until April-- spring time! Well, folks we are only a month away from that, and I seriously couldn't be more excited.

Leaving the NICU for the last and final time, felt so amazing! Being in our own bed, in our own town and with our baby felt like such a luxury. It felt like such a treat to be able to hold my baby as long as I wanted,  breastfeed her as long as she wanted, and to just be- without a nurse or doctor helping. Most people talk about how scared they were to come home, and how out of sorts they felt, not us-- we had spent a month over our projected discharge date, and we were so ready!


What I wasn't prepared for was the... quiet. Our introduction into parenthood was busy hospital hallways, nurses and doctors with pagers, monitors beeping, and lots of people all around.  One of my favorite things to do in the NICU was walk down the hall to the newest mom and say hi, meet her baby, and offer some encouraging words. I loved being able to connect with so many people. I loved getting to chat with our favorite nurses about their own lives and get to know them on a personal level.

But then we came home, no more lactation visits from our favorite lactation consultant, no more of our favorite nurses just stopping in to chat, no new moms to connect with. The house seemed so quiet. It was just me and Bre. I remember one morning waking up thinking, what do I do today: nurse,play, nap all day long? Really? I want more!

Today, our little preemie has a mind of her own. She is no longer sluggish, and sleepy like most newborns, she wants to get out and interact with people- which makes quarantine even harder!!! I'd be lying if I said that we haven't "cheated" occasionally, covering her in the car seat or the ergo baby sneaking into Target for a break, but for the most part, we have stayed put. She hasn't interacted with other kids, or gone out much at all, but any time that she has, much like me, she loves the people!

So, in honor of our last month at home, here are some activities that we have done to keep Bre safe, and us sane! Whether you are on quarantine with your preemie or stuck on a rainy day check it out!

1. Baby Sign
This is a great way to teach your child some new words, and create context for the world around them, and isn't just for babies. Bre is finally getting a lot of the signs, and making her own gestures for things that she wants. It is too much fun!

2. Tummy Time
Mom's have you done tummy time with your baby? It's hard work! Not only do I get a workout, but Bre loves the company. Today we rocked out on her baby drum set, and had a blast! Plus I toned my arms doing the cobra with her.

3. Get Out!
The danger of the flu season is the cold temperatures and people. So, when it has been warm enough, we have been taking daily walks, and weekend hikes! Bre loves to hike and be outside. She is fascinated by trees, and flowers! This is a great way to recharge your batteries!


4. Drive Thru Dates
Since it has been such a long journey for me and Nate, our dates have become drive thru style! That way we can have Bree away from people, but we get some time to escape the house! Drive to a pretty spot, and soak up some time together!

5. Traditions

As our lives have fallen into more of a routine here at home, we now have, traditions! I know they won't last forever,so I want to enjoy the time while I have it.  I love how nursing her in the morning is our time. She laughs and giggles, grabs my nose, and eats- it's our time to bond! I love how in the afternoons we read books on the porch and watch the trees wrestle in the wind. And my favorite time of the day is when we have dance parties! Mostly it's just me dancing around, but Bre loves it, and one day she'll join her dorky mom and show her some better dance moves! No matter how long, or short of a time that you are stuck inside, enjoy it, for it won't be long before it's over and you'll miss it!

Quitting the Habit of "White Stuff!"

The minute those two lines popped up on the test I started eating super healthy, nutritious foods. Seven months later I was hospitalized and put on bed rest. The hospital didn't seem to have the same idea of healthy foods that I did. I was disappointed to find that most of the foods served weren't "real foods" and certainly not healthy for my body. When Bree arrived, the stress combined with living 2 hrs away from our house made eating healthy practically impossible.

I never expected my body to lose the baby weight quickly, but I certainly didn't think that I would gain postpartum weight! My plans of eating healthy, going on walks with my newborn, and getting back to more intense yoga sessions came to a screeching halt in the NICU. My body did not handle the sedentary life, stress and the fast food well at all. By our third and final discharge from the NICU (3 months later) I had put on more weight than I did in my entire pregnancy! While this clearly wasn't my focus at the time, I knew coming home that I needed to start focusing on my health. I began exercising lightly and eating better, but still the weight wouldn't come off.

I watched other mom's just breastfeed there babies and not change their diet or exercise at all and still lose a ton of weight. I had women joke to me "don't you just love the breastfeeding diet?" Well, for me, even after coming home, exercising and eating better it just wasn't working. I knew that a diet wasn't the answer for me... I needed a lifestyle change. At the beginning of this year Nate and I committed to eating only real food. We took all processed foods out of our diet-- and I wish that I had done this years ago! Now, we have cheated here and there, but for the most part, we don't have any white sugar, flour, or anything packaged. 

I have never felt this good in my life! I not only have a ton more energy, sleep better, but also noticed that my milk supply for Bree has increased! I am loving learning all of the different ways to serve healthy foods without all the "bad stuff." I never starve myself, or skip meals. In fact I eat a better variety and fill my plate full of fresh fruits, veggies and protein! This is our new lifestyle, both Nate and I have lost weight and we are swearing that we'll never go back-- especially after a Jack in the Box cheat two weeks ago that left us both feeling awful! 

I'm back in my pre-pregnancy clothes again, and working on getting even healthier than before I was pregnant. I am loving preparing fresh, healthy foods for my family, and knowing that what we are eating is fuel for our bodies!

These are some simple tips on how we got started so that you can join our journey too!

1. Throw out all sugar, flour, anything processed in your house so it won't be a temptation! (Do not try and eat it all up and then start--- it doesn't work, trust me!)

2. Create a meal plan at the beginning of every week. This helped a ton, so that we aren't tempted to just get fast food or make something quick and easy (aka spaghetti)

3. Enjoy each other's company without food! This was huge for us! Nate and I are both active people, and love the outdoors, but we also love to eat! Enjoy eating at meal times, and find other things to do when it isn't a meal time. Taking a walk, doing yoga or playing a card game have helped us.  Foot rubs are also a great way to connect without food!!

4. Get good fats in your diet. Throw away anything that says low-fat, no-fat, canola oil, Mediterranean oil, vegetable oil etc. these are all highly processed and lead to serious diseases such as cancer. Coconut oil, avocado oil, and some olive oils are great choices!

5. Have fun trying new recipes and foods that you may have never wanted to try. I am personally loving all of the different things that you can do with cauliflower!

Comment below with the real foods that you are eating, great recipes that you love or questions on how to quit the "white stuff!"

Here are some great resources full of information to help you and your family make healthy eating choices!

http://authoritynutrition.com/10-disturbing-reasons-why-sugar-is-bad/

http://www.westonaprice.org/basics/dietary-guidelines

http://wellnessmama.com/15/harmful-effects-of-sugars/

http://wellnessmama.com/743/guide-to-fats/

Letting Go

I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to let go.I'm not one of those people that has to have "stuff." I really could  do without most modern comforts. I wouldn't mind giving up my dishes, or my television, I would be just fine without a couch, or our dinning room table, I wouldn't even mind giving up my car- but there's something besides all that, that fills my condo, that I struggle giving up--- my family!

When I found out that Nate and I were pregnant this bond between all three of us formed, so strong, so intense, that I knew I had to let it go. I prayed so many times that God would prepare me for motherhood, that he would guide me in the way that I should go. All I kept hearing was Let go.

How do you let go of people that are entrusted to you? Do you give up caring? Give up wanting? The answer became  clearer when I was on bed rest waiting for our sweet Bree to make her early debut. The doctors had told us how serious the situation was, and I knew that she wasn't in my care- she was in HIS care.

Each moment that Bree stopped breathing and needed resuscitating, each time my husband's face washed with grief and stress, each time I held my breath watching Bree's monitors I was reminded to Let go.

I remember the first time I felt this tugging when Nate and I moved away from Humboldt County. As I drove down Central Avenue, following the moving van, tears streamed down my face. I wasn't ready to let go. I had fallen in love with the people there, the magnificent redwoods, yoga on the square, and so many other characteristics unique to Humboldt.

Let go.

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, because it isn't a one time event and then you move on, it's a continual opening and releasing. It requires Trust. I have to trust that God is faithful even if we don't ever move back to Humboldt. I have to trust that he is faithful even if he had allowed my little girl to die, or my husband to be overwhelmed with the struggles of life. I have to trust that even if I am in the middle of a storm, that God is faithful--- no matter what.

Bree is out of the "scary phase" now, we are loving just playing, and discovery this new world together. This is a wonderful season, but it means that I must Let go of her in a new way now. She is already so independent (surprise, surprise). She no longer wants to be nursed to sleep, she doesn't need me to be checking on her breathing every five seconds, she no longer needs me to use quiet voices so that she doesn't get over stressed. No my little girl can handle it all now, in fact, she faces the world head on, and I love it!

There comes a time when it is the healthiest choice for the relationship to let go to varying degrees. In the NICU, I had to very literally place my little girl in the arms of Jesus, while I still pray that, nowI must let go in littler ways. Finding new things to enjoy and discover, but holding them lightly in my hand.

I can't take away Nate's stress, or fix every problem for Bree- this wouldn't be good for them or me. No, I must let go. Sometimes, I let go long enough to see the miracle that God has done in my life, by entrusting these two beautiful people for me to love every single day. The blessing I have to enjoy them, for as long as they are with me.

I drink this in.

Nights when Nate and I stay up way too late talking about what leadership really means, or how to love people better.

Bree squealing at the top of her lungs as soon as Dad walks in the room.

The three of us hiking and exploring the world together.

Holding loosely, but drinking it all in.

So take heart, dear friends, God is always faithful.... ALWAYS! He has entrusted wonderful things, and people to you, just remember they aren't really yours. When the unfair arises, when things or people are taken from you- remember to lean into the character of faithfulness.

Check Lists

 It was a warm September night, as I drove into the Phoenix NICU, I  replayed all that happened earlier that day. My little girl had stopped breathing, she was blue, limp and unresponsive. As I called 911 I began the worst the process I have ever experienced: infant CPR. With each breath I gave her I prayed that God would save her, I kept breathing into her little mouth rhythmically: breathe, look for chest to rise, breathe, look for chest to rise. She was taken to the local hospital to be airlifted back to Phoenix, just before she was to be airlifted by helicopter, our neonatologist had told me on the phone that the prospects were not going to be good. A series of brain tests and studies would begin in the morning. They warned us that she would probably have severe brain damage, and that the actuality of her ever being like her peers was out of reach.

This was taken hours before I performed CPR... she was doing really well, before taking a turn for the worse.  

My husband and I were devastated! How could our little girl have gone through so much, and now be given such a hard diagnosis.We believed firmly that God was either going to heal her or give us the strength to walk through the unknown of having a special needs child. After several tests, one that had over 35 leads on her head -the final conclusion came. A miracle happened, the doctors and nurses couldn't believe it- she had no brain bleeds or brain damage! We couldn't believe it either- praising God and thanking so many of you that faithfully prayed for us in our darkest hour. That was our last admittance to the NICU, we were discharged a week later, and transferred to a hospital here in Prescott where they gave her oxygen and helped her adjust to the altitude.

Bree and I reading in the doctor's office this week-- daddy's beanie added quite the cuteness factor!

Since then, we have had baby well checks with a local doctor here in Prescott, and every appointment is nerve racking. As the nurse reads off her check list: naming each item one by one: does your baby roll over yet? Grab things with both hands? One hand? Does she laugh? Does she babble? With each meeting she was hitting her adjusted age developmentally (her due date had she been born then), but not quite her actual age. Every meeting our doctor reassured us saying that it takes an average preemie 2 years to fully catch up. Each time there is that nagging, what if the NICU missed something? What if she has some brain damage? We usually leave with a regimen of more tummy time, and play time etc. Since being home we do tummy time, but often I feel as though I am not being serious enough, because I just want to enjoy playing with my baby and not think about all of the different problems that Bree might face. We have giggled, played with our toes, rolled around together and just been silly. I have loved every minute of it!

Last week Bree had her  6 month appointment, and I was nervous as usual. It had seemed to me that in the last 6 weeks or so she had made leaps and bounds developmentally, but I knew that she just wasn't quite there yet. The nurse came in and began her questioning, using the 6th month guidelines first. I almost couldn't believe it when she asked "does your baby roll over both ways?" "yes," I replied. "And does she sit up own her own for a few seconds, and or with little support?" At that point Bree was sitting on my lap unassisted, the nurse smiled and said, "I'll take that as a yes." She continued with each question, I was shocked when we reached the end of the list, and Nate and I had answered yes to every question!! Upon meeting with the doctor, she excitedly told us that Bree  was caught up! I still can't believe it! This is a little girl that was about to die, then she was going to have tons of brain damage, then she was going to take 2 years to catch up.... and she has done that in less than half the time!

I don't believe that Nate and I are special parents, that we have done a better job than other preemie parents. We have befriended and watched many preemie parents struggle with the development of their children. I don't know why God has blessed us in this way, but even so, I am ecstatic and while we take her development very seriously, for today- we are just going to enjoy having a healthy, happy, strong baby! Thank you for your prayers, support and love on this journey called parenthood!

"Good mom" "Bad Mom" Syndrome

Becoming a mother is one of the most identity changing experiences a woman goes through! It's at this stage in her life that she reflects on her past, looks at her present and dreams about her future all in one breath. Having a baby changed me in ways that I never expected and I have loved it more than I knew I would. Most of you moms remember your swollen belly as strangers would try and rub your belly and the inevitable "how far along are you?" And then comes the laundry list of advice. I remember being in Babies R Us with Nate, I was about 6 months pregnant and we were registering for stuff (let me just say I'm not a shopper, and walking into that store was such an overwhelming experience). We were handed a booklet of all of their suggestions, and our scanner, away we went.  Mom's walked  freely up, patting my belly and telling me their advice, "well if you want my advice I'd get __________." I was overwhelmed! We had done research on our own, talked to friends and now strangers were giving their piece of advice as well. This continued to happen throughout my pregnancy, before long I was given tons of parenting books all ranging from "cry it out" method to "attachment parenting." It was overwhelming. Now that my baby is out of my body, the problem continues, but to a different degree now, "so is she sitting up?" "rolling over?" "she's only eating solids now right?" "you aren't going to be one of those crazy breastfeeding moms are you?" I must say that at the beginning of the questionnaire I felt defensive, and frustrated by moms' judgments and their check off list- but now it makes me smile. You see, I truly believe that these questions come from a place of passion and love, but sometimes as women we can become competitive, seeing our way as the only "right way." Well ladies, I'm here to blow the lid on a lie that most of us believe "there is no one right way to parent!!!" Shocker- I know! Sure, mom's have had success with a certain style for their family, but that isn't your family. For some moms breastfeeding works best, for some bottle feeding, for some crib sleeping, for others co-sleeping. In the short time that I have been a mom, with the very limited experience that I have had, there are some very trusted people in my life, that I love getting mom advice from and believe that they have my best intention at heart, find those moms and stick close! So mom's take heart, don't allow a difference in parenting style to cause you to argue, or doubt.

By the time I was pregnant I had babysat literally hundreds of kids, led children's church, taught classes, and participated in over 6 years of kids camps. I completely get kid management, how to interact, work with, and watch over kids- however- what I didn't get yet, was being a mother. During my pregnancy I read a lot of information on the cry it out system. Baby Wise was my go to book for everything in studying for having this baby. It was the method that I was familiar and comfortable with. But then... I became a mother- my precious Bree was underweight, and struggling to thrive in the NICU, and this made me view parenting in a completely different way. Our lactation consultant suggested baby wearing, and lots of skin to skin to help Bree regulate her breathing and gain weight, doctors and nurses fought the idea. Some nurses gave us limited skin to skin time, the bottle was pushed and pushed (despite Bree doing better with breastfeeding). I was starting to see that this system just wasn't working for my baby.  I began baby wearing, and she handled her breathing much better, I began breastfeeding on demand and she gained weight quickly.

 This was completely opposite to what mainstream books tell you. I have had countless moms tell me to "be careful," or "love to see how this turns out for you in the end." While with Bree I do lean more towards attachment parenting, however, I believe that every baby, every mom, and every family is unique and different. Babies, like people aren't cookie cutters- they are different and individual. Each baby has their own needs, for Bree she needed to be held, and close to me to do well, perhaps our next baby won't- who knows. All this to say is: moms please take heart, you are doing your best. Loving your child whether you let them cry it out or not isn't the issue, it's the issue of identity. Let your identity of becoming a mother morph and change, don't allow others to crush you, stand tall with grace. Each mom is on their own journey of taking care of their family.  Let us tread lightly when giving advice,and have grace when advice is given. My hope and prayer for moms is that they would walk in gracious conviction for their family. Current moms of little ones, big ones, pregnant moms, and women wanting to be moms- this is your journey, take hold of it and enjoy every minute of it (however you choose to do it)!